Vitamins Part 2: Health Advice from an Avowed Couch Potato (Marathon T- 25 Weeks)
As an expert on the Flintstones, I am sharing what I know about vitamins. We talked about the first three, A, B & C last time.
On to Vitamin D: You get this one from sunshine – you don’t even have to eat a pill! It would be natural for you to think that if you get vitamin D from the glow of the sun’s light, that you can also get it from the glow of your flat screen TV’s light, but you would be wrong.
Your couch is too far away from the TV to get a proper dose of vitamin rays. This is why you need to get your i-pad or other tablet device up as close to your face as possible while playing Words with Friends. Soak up the rays, people!
Vitamin E: E stands for Eisenhower. I think this vitamin was discontinued in the 50’s.
Vitamin F: When showing an early draft of this article to my research department (mostly my cats, as everyone else I ask to verify my research tends to hang up on me), I was told that most people don’t think that vitamin F exists. Oh, it exists, my friend. Simple math, really – just count them: Fred, Wilma, Barney, Betty, Pebbles and Bam-Bam. 6 Flintstones, so there must be six vitamins, which takes us from A to F.
Hold on, I forgot Dino!
Vitamin Dino: Dino is the disappointment vitamin. You want Dino, because let’s face it, when you are five, Fred is kind of lame. So you want Dino, but do you ever get Dino? No, you always get Fred. Or Pebbles – Pebbles is for babies, I don’t want Pebbles, I don’t! I don’t!
I think my sister went through the jar and took out all the Dinos. And if you think I’m being paranoid, you haven’t heard of the infamous “Lucky Charms without any Marshmallows” incident.
I don’t want to talk about vitamins anymore. I need my therapist.
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