Resolutions: Health Advice from an Avowed Couch Potato (Marathon T-18 Weeks)

This is the time of year that people make their New Year’s Resolutions; followed immediately by a season of depression for having failed at keeping those very resolutions.

There are those who would counsel restraint, advising that we should make realistic goals, and therefore be more likely to achieve those goals.

Bosh! Such thinking is pessimistic and sad. Reach for the stars! Make resolutions without limiting your dreams! Face it, no matter how big or small, you’re not going to keep your resolutions anyway, so go big!

The key to successful resoluting is not in whether the pledges are kept, but in how prepared one is to deflect the fact that one failed miserably. Thankfully, you have come to an expert in Grand Resolution Denial.

Here are some tips:

  • Blame misinterpretation. “You thought I said I was going to run eight miles? No, I’m going to rent ‘8 Mile.’ That Eminem, what an actor.”
  • Homonyms are your friend. “Time for me to lose those fifteen pounds. Now fifteen pounds sterling is about twenty euros… Anyone know of a casino in France?”
  • Date your resolution to a time when everyone will have forgotten you made the pledge. “I am going to cut back on snacking. In August.”
  • Pick an unsuspecting dupe as a partner. “Mark and I are going to run a marathon! Mark, you take the first 27 miles…”
  • Be grand in the resolution, but downplay the details. “I am going to stick to my diet all year! Now, where did I leave that pamphlet on the Ice Cream and Candy Diet?”
  • Preface with conditions. “Unless there is weather outside, I’m going to jog on a regular basis.”
  • Backend with unrelated conditions. “I’m going to the gym three times a week, unless there is an incident of some sort in the Middle East.”
  • Lie. “Honey, isn’t it odd how this shirt makes me look fat even though I lost those thirty pounds?”

Dream big, people!



Hey, want to support a great cause while following my workout advice? CLICK HERE.

One response to “Resolutions: Health Advice from an Avowed Couch Potato (Marathon T-18 Weeks)”

  1. mitchteemley says :

    Someone did a study on the predictions made by tabloid psychics over a ten year period: not one prediction had ever come true. The operative concept, no matter what happens, is “Yeah, that’s what I meant.” You make me laugh, Sean. Happy New Year!

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